Angsty Love
by ExtraSaber
Summary: Sonic is left severely depressed after Shadow breaks up with him. What terrible things will he get up to in his angsty state? Rated T for incredibly sexy innuendo. Yaoi/Love triangle: Sonic x Shadow x OC, I guess. Parody. Will maybe update in the near future.
1. The Angsting

Angsty Love

Chapter 1: The Angsting

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Sonic was walking around town. Because every yaoi fanfic seems to begin with Sonic walking around town. For the sake of continuity, let's say he's walking through Inaba. The town in  
Persona 4. Yes.

All of a sudden, he broke down and started crying. What's wrong, Sonic? And you who are always so cheerful and spunky and energetic and so on and so on.

"I really, really, really miss Shadow. We were dating for, like, a week and everything was nice and sexy but he broke up with me for unknown reasons yesterday and I've been having these angsty fits ever since. My life sucks. I hate everything." The cobalt hedgehog said to himself. Out loud.

Why, Sonic .You shouldn't angst like that. What would your mother say? Oh, right. It's time for the obligatory flashback.

~flashback~

Sonic and Shadow were hanging out at Shadow's apartment. Because he has an apartment. And because this is an angsty yaoi fanfic where everyone is hilariously out of character, it's a shiny, shiny penthouse.

They were sitting on the couch, watching a film. As I recall it was a horror film. Shadow was watching intensely as the monster crept up on the cast and he JIZZED. IN. HIS PANTS. I mean...  
What film it was and what genre is not important. Yes.

As the movie reached its emotional highlight, what that highlight was is not important either, Sonic started crying. The onyx colored spiny rodent, being uncharacteristically kind-hearted and nice, hugged the Blue Blur. As if he were an anime girl in a romantic comedy, he started blushing.

"Shadow... but... why?" Sonic said, still blushing, with tears in his eyes.

"Because... I dunno." Shadow replied. This aroused Sonic greatly and they had lots and lots of wonderful sex on the couch. Yay!

The very next day, eeeeverything was hunky dory and they went outside, holding hands and skipping, and bought a record player. They then put some TWU LUV songs on it and started dancing to it in public. People gathered around them and applauded. How heartwarming!

A few days later, Sonic showed up at Shadow's sexy penthouse, smiling. The Dark One was frowning and crying and angsting and stuff!

"Shadow? What's wrong, luv-ur?" The blue Erinaceus Europaeus asked, worried.

"Sonic, I'm breaking up with you kthx gtfo." Shadow said, pushing Sonic into the elevator and sending him on the ground floor. Sonic cried all the way down. Poor Sonic. Poor, poor Sonic.

~end flashback~

Oh, dear, oh, dear. That wasn't a very pleasant experience, was it, Sonic?

"Well, I'm gonna go over to Tails. He's such a nice friend who will surely help me get over Shadow." Sonic said to himself. He seems to really enjoy talking to himself. Oh, and the cast of Persona 4 were doing something in the background. Because I'm clever like that.

And so, Sonic went over to the twin-tailed boy wonder's house. Said twin-tailed boy wonder was playing Regular Smash Brothers Outburst on the Wii. As Sonic came in without ringing the doorbell or knocking, Tails smiled.

"Hai, Sonic! Wanna play RSBO with me?" Tails asked cheerfully, full of youthful, energetic spirits.

"No, Tails. I'm too depressed and angsty to be interested in candy-colored videogame mascots beating the living hell out of each other." Sonic said, lying down on the floor, crying.

"Oh, ye gods, Sonic. What would be the matter?" Tails said, extremely worried.

"You see, Shadow and I were, like, totally in love and we were dating for a week and everything was nice and sexy and really, really pretty but by some freakish coincidence or something like that he decided that it really wasn't nice and sexy and really, really pretty so he broke up with me and threw me out of his sexy penthouse and I was really sad and really, really lonely and really sad and all that stuff." Sonic blurted out.

Tails was so deeply moved by this unfortunate turn of events that he started crying.

"No worries, Sonic. I will help you through this. For I am your awesome and loyal and friendly friend who would do anything if it meant that you weren't an irritating ball of pure angst." Tails  
said, with tears in his eyes.

"Thank you... Tails..." Sonic said, hugging the yellowish orange Vulpes Vulpes. How extremely touching.

Sonic decided to stay over at Tails' house that night, sleeping on the couch. He cried himself to sleep. Obviously.

The very next day, Sonic woke up super early and had pancakes with orange juice and toast. Because it really matters what the characters have for breakfast! By the way, Shadow had bacon and eggs, Knuckles had Special K with skim milk, and Rouge didn't have anything. Because she isn't in this story.

Tails walked into the kitchen, smiling weakly. "Good morning, Sonic. How are you on this sunny and lovely day?" Tails asked Sonic, while eating something.

"I'm extremely angsty and depressed. I think I'm gonna go cut myself after I've finished eating." Sonic said, joyfully. Wait, what?

Anyway, after eating and possibly cutting himself, Sonic went outside. He started walking around town again. He saw a store window displaying the same TWU LUV record he and Shadow bought and danced to in public. This woke up so many memories that he broke down and started crying tears of pain. Poor angsty Sonic.

While he was wailing and sobbing on the ground, as if calling to the people's attention, Shadow passed him. While Shadow was passing him, the world went into slow-motion greyscale for dramatic effect. When Shadow was out of sight, the world resumed its normal speed and colour.

Later that night, Knuckles was out shopping. He bought a lot of things. Sonic was also shopping in that very same store. He also bought a lot of things.

"Hey, Sonic!" Knuckles said to Sonic, who had been walking next to him for 15 minutes.

"Oh, hi, Knuckles." Sonic said in his angsty way of talking. For he was nothing but an empty shell of an anthropomorphic blue cartoon hedgehog.

"...Sonic? Is something wrong?" Knuckles asked, worried. Sonic told him everything. This led to them going back to Knuckles' house and they had lots and lots of sex. Because... well, why not?

To be continued?

* * *

Ooh... what an exciting cliffhanger! Or not. Whatever.


	2. Out of sight, out of angst

Angsty Love

Chapter 2: Out of sight, out of angst

* * *

As Kanji gently rubbed Yosuke's shoulders he let out a sof... oh, different fanfic. Spiny rodents. Whatever.

* * *

So, anyway, Sonic turned to Knuckles for comfort after Shadow so ruthlessly shattered his fragile, fragile heart into several thousand pieces. As if it were a beautiful, if empty, glass vase.

Because symbolism is extremely erotic.

So, Sonic woke up next to Knuckles in the morning and kept silent. He sat up and buried his face in his hands. How very angsty of you, Sonic. But at this point, it's to be expected.

"...Sonic..." Knuckles quietly said. He had woken up and noticed Sonic being all angsty and stuff.

"I'm sorry, Knuckles. It's not you, it's me etc. etc. etc. I still love Shadow." Sonic said, crying with heartfelt emotion and... well, angst.

"Sonic! You must go to him! Even if it's been four freaking days you must go to him!" Knuckles said softly, putting his hand on Sonic's shoulder.

"Oh, fine then." Sonic said, still weeping, as he walked out of Knuckles' home, which was also a sexy penthouse, and ran towards Shadow's sexy penthouse.

Now, let's stop focusing on the blue hedgehog and focus on the black hedgehog. Shadow, that is. Um, yeah.

Shadow was standing in front of his window, deep in thought.

"Oh, Sonic, how I miss you so. You made my angsty life just that little bit less angsty. But now that you're gone that little piece of angst has returned. Or something like that." He said to himself. But, if he feels that way, why did he dump Sonic? I'm overanalyzing this, aren't I? This **is** a yaoi fanfic, after all.

So, Sonic then arrived in his penthouse without knocking or ringing the doorbell. He walked up to Shadow and hugged him tightly.

"Shadow... **I'm in despair! Your break-uppage has left me in despair!**" Sonic screamed extremely loudly. "I cannot believe you did this, Shadow. I hate you!"

After that, Sonic jumped out of the window, hoping to end his miserable existence. Instead of, y'know, reconciling with Shadow right there. But this **is** an angsty yaoi fanfic, so an angsty suicide attempt is necessary.

Sonic somehow survived the 70-story fall, because it's a series about candy coloured animals fighting fat middle-aged men, do you really expect it to follow the laws of physics?! Ahem... anyway, Shadow called an ambulance, while crying and screaming and generally angsting. Said ambulance arrived very quickly and promptly picked up Sonic.

The scene then cuts to Sonic's hospital bed, where he was hooked up to a breathing machine. For dramatic effect. No bandages or anything. Nope. Maybe one around his head, but that's it.

Shadow was, of course, sitting at his bedside. Holding flowers or chocolate or a limited edition copy of Persona 4 or something. And he's crying. Because everyone cries in this story. Tails and Knuckles were also crying. Maybe Amy, too. But Amy never matters in yaoi fanfics.

Sonic then started slowly opening his eyes. "Sh...Sh...Shadow...?" he breathed, dramatically.

Shadow then broke down and hugged him, ignoring the fact that most of Sonic's bones were probably broken. Laws of physics. Whatever.

Sonic then miraculously recovered right there and removed the breathing machine. He then proceeded to give Shadow an intense French kiss, not really caring for his safety, for the power of love conquers all or some shit like that. You honestly don't care at this point, do you?

"Shadow! Shadow, I love you. Please stay with me forever and ever and ever and ever and ever!" Sonic squealed like an overzealous fangirl. But Shadow frowned.

"No, Sonic. I am obviously just adding to the problem. If I am so much trouble that you'd try to kill yourself I should just leave you. Goodbye." And with these words, Shadow left the hospital room and vanished from Sonic's sight. This is reminding me of a certain terrible vampire fanfic that somehow got published. Must be my imagination. Oh, and Tails and Knuckles were there. And possibly Amy.

And then Sonic, who had received a very bright light of hope, became a ball of angst again. Because I am **SO** not letting this fanfic end at only 2 chapters! No, this'll become a 48 chapter epic where the same things happen over and over, with Sonic and Shadow finally reconciling in chapter 40, with the remaining 8 chapters being them getting used to their relationship once more. With intricately described sex scenes. Obviously.

Cut to the very next day and Sonic has been dismissed from the hospital. Because a 70 story fall only needs a day to recover from.

"Well, I guess I better go get drunk or high or something. Or should I save that plot point for a later chapter?" Sonic said to himself. Personally, I think you should save that until at least chapter 10. You should just stick to sympathy sex with the other characters.

And look! Here comes a plot point!

"O hai, Sonic!" It was... err... Silver! Yes, let's say it was Silver. He'll do.

"Hey, Silver. I don't feel like throwing darts at babies today. I'm too angsty and depressed." Sonic said, with an angsty tone. Angst. Angst. That word has lost all meaning.

"Aw, why? You've always liked throwing darts at babies." Silver said, worried.

"Yeah, none of that today. I'm gonna go home and possibly cut myself." Sonic said, heading to his home and possibly cutting himself. He was very lonely. He probably did horrible things to his Shadow plushie. Did I mention he had a Shadow plushie. Yeah, he had a Shadow plushie. Um... yeah.

To be continued, I guess.

* * *

Ye gods! Antother semi-sorta-cliffhanger! Will Sonic ever snap out of his depression? Will Shadow ever see the error of his ways? Will anyone actually give a damn? Tune in CHAPTER 3: WITTY ANGST PUN TO BE DECIDED!


	3. Full Metal Angst! The Second Raid

Angsty Love

Chapter 3: **Full Metal Angst! The Second Raid**

* * *

I don't really get why so many people consider Sonic Adventure 2 the **greatest Sonic game ever!!! **I mean, it's not a bad game, I quite enjoyed it. But I have played many, many better Sonic games. In unrelated news, here's your fanfic.

* * *

So, where were we again? Ah, yes. Sonic just rejected Silver's idea of... throwing darts at babies, was it? Whatever, it doesn't matter. So, anyway...

After possibly cutting himself and probably doing unspeakable things to his stuffed Shadow replica, Sonic decided it would be best to move the plot along. Ooh! I know! Sonic goes to a karaoke bar to get himself completely wasted and it turns out that Shadow is there, wailing some My Chemical Romance/Linkin Park/Three Days Grace/What-the-frick-ever song into the microphone, with _tragic_ results. Perfect! No-one's ever done THAT before!

"Well, I guess I should head over to that karaoke club that serves booze in the middle of the day!" Sonic said, smiling. He could be going to Club Rouge, but she isn't in this story. He goes to Club Big instead. Because Big thought it would be an exquisite idea to open a karaoke club.

Sonic walked over to Club Big, and slowly opened the door, as if crossing the great divide. He walked up to the bar and ordered an extra extra extra large *Beer Product Name Goes Here*.  
The bartender, who isn't important, ignored the fact that he is a minor, and served him his request.

"Why, thank you." Sonic said, while not paying the bartender.

"Attention, all guests of my sexalicious Middle-Of-The-Day Club, Club Big, the next one to go up and test his vocal skills is Shadow W. Hedgehog!" Big, who was also the M.C, said, standing on the stage. Shadow was standing next to him, dressed in a red sequin dress. Because whatever.

"Hay, gaiz, I'm Shadow, and I'll be singing some emo songs for dramatic effect!" Shadow said quite cheerfully. Cue roaring applause.

Sonic couldn't believe his ears. Shadow?! Why, that was most unorthodox! He didn't awkwardly shuffle out of the door, for he was much too drunk and had lost all feeling in his legs. Possibly because the bartender had beaten them repeatedly with a lead pipe for not paying. But that's not important.

* * *

Shadow turned on the music and started singing.

*emo lyrics go here*

"Shadow... he's such a good singer!" Sonic said, quite predictably.

*emo lyrics go here*

As Shadow was screaming into the microphone, causing many, many guests to haul ass outta there, Sonic was captivated by his quite beautifully beautiful voice of beauty.

*emo lyrics go here*

Shadow then stopped right before the song reached its emotastic peak, seeing Sonic at the bar. He broke down and started crying. Sonic also cried. He cried and crawled out of the bar, and into the nearest emergency room. Because of his severely broken legs, you see.

* * *

After getting a few plasters (or "band-aids", should you so prefer), Sonic got aaaaall better, and walked out of the emergency room. However, he saw SHADOW in the waiting room, with a broken bottle embedded into his skull. The karaoke club guys aren't too fond of crying hedgehogs. They both started crying and Sonic ran out.

"NO! Stay away! STAY AWAY FROM ME!" Sonic screamed while running down the street. Even though Shadow was still back at the hospital.

Sonic reached his apartment, where Silver was waiting outside.

"Sonic, I love you. Please DO ME!" Silver spontaneously said.

"Durrrrrrrrrr, okay!" Sonic said. And so they went inside and had all kinds of sex. Or, so I've heard. It's not like I'm spying on them, or anything.

After they had all the sex, Sonic was crying. He cried a lot.

"Oh, for the love of Haruhi, Sonic. Am I really _that_ bad?! Am I not good enough for you?! I hate you!" Silver cried, running outside. It was still the middle of the day, as Sonic's speed isn't only in his feet, **if you know what I mean...** *cough* Anyway...

Sonic decided that going outside would only lead to more injuries and sympathy sex, so he decided to stay inside and play Persona 4. While possibly cutting himself.

* * *

After playing Persona 4 and possibly cutting himself, Sonic went outside anyway. Because even if it leads to eternal misery, the plot must go on. I mean, there are only 45 chapters left! So much story to squeeze into so few chapters.

While outside, he went into a bookstore.

"Hmmm... maybe something life-alteringly awesome will happen to me in that particular bookstore." Sonic said to himself loudly, which caused many people to look at him weirdly. But Sonic is a grade S attention whore, so that was to be expected. So, anyway, he walked into that particular bookstore.

He walked over to the manga section, which just added to his depression.

"Naruto, Naruto, Naruto! Dammit, they **always** have the new Naruto volume but **never** the new Fullmetal Alchemist one!" Sonic yelled loudly, quite annoyed. And no, that was totally not drawn from real-life experience. Feeling unsatisfied and disappointed, Sonic left the bookstore. Because yes.

Hmmm... what to do now... more sympathy sex, I suppose. Sonic reached his apartment again, where Knuckles was waiting outside.

"Sonic! Sonic! I had set up a date with Rouge, but then I remembered she isn't in this story! Could you possibly have sexual intercourse with me?" Knuckles said, while crying. Because everyone must be crying.

And so they did.

* * *

I'm really just winging it at this point, what with characters just kind of appearing left and right. Let's get to the main plot.

So, after Knuckles left shortly after all the sex, Shadow rang Sonic's doorbell. Sonic answered and GASPED really loudly!

"Sonic, I am oh, so very sorry that I said all those horrible things to you. Let's get back together." Shadow said, sounding sad and desperate.

"Sure, okay." Sonic said. I don't know.

And so, they got back together, went back to Shadow's amazingly sexy penthouse, and had lots of sex. It lasted approximately 57.4 seconds, as both were very... "fast". Hey, leave me alone!

"Shadow, I love you so much, luv-urrrrr!" Sonic said, playfully.

"And I love you a crapload, too, Sonic." Shadow said. And they kissed for 10.6 seconds. But then! Shadow received a phonecall. Because Shadow is extremely thick-headed, he had it on speakerphone.

"Hey, Shadow!" A female voice on the speakerphone said, "I had, like, lots and lots of finny fun today on our DATE, see? That INCREDIBLY ROMANTIC DATE you took me on which resulted in a LOT OF SEX! Call me later, k? Love... um... Sapphire. Yes, that'll do. Bye~"

"Sonic, wait! I can explain this..." Shadow said, panicking.

Ye gods! Shadow was dating someone else! And a WOMAN, to boot. This disturbed Sonic greatly. He broke down and started crying. Then he stood up and ran outside, crying some more. What would Sonic do now? He got back together with Shadow, who had been seeing... a GIRL! Sonic planned to go to Club Big, but that club was only open during the day, and it was night-time now.

"What will I do now?" Sonic said to himself. "What. Will. I. Do. NOW?!"

* * *

OMG! How exciting! We've gone through a lot of plot, had a few twists. A lot of fun. Yes. Stay tuned for _**CHAPTER 4: TO ANGST, OR NOT TO ANGST?**_


	4. To Angst, or Not To Angst?

Angsty Love- Now with 40% less salt and free travel!

Chapter 4: **To Angst or Not To Angst?**

**

* * *

  
**

Why, hello there. Haven't updated this thing in a while, but here comes yet another exciting instalment of **Persona 4 Epilogue**! I mean, **Angsty Love**. Whatever.

* * *

Sonic was cheerfully dashing around a beautiful, green field of grass, flowers and happy, happy bunnies holding hands and singing irritating pop songs. There wasn't a cloud on the sky and the sun was shining happily! A plane was flying above him, dropping confetti and candy everywhere, and the cuddly forest animals all laughed and rejoiced! This is the happiest fanfic ever!

And then Sonic woke up in a garbage bag in some shady alley. Alas, his wonderful dream of a wonderful life had been just that! A dream. A fantasy. Far removed from reality.

But, wait. Why is Sonic in this undesirable situation? Why, the answer is very simple! We've jumped ahead in time! Yes, that's a very original plot twist. How far, you might ask? Um... a month! Yes, that'll do. So, to understand how Sonic became a depressed, angsty, homeless hedgehog, we shall venture into the past and uncover his deep, dark secrets...

* * *

_~One Month Ago, About 0.78 Seconds After Chapter 3~_

_

* * *

  
_

Right, Sonic was running away from Shadow's sexy, sexy penthouse in the middle of the night after realizing that Shadow had been dating someone else, and a _girl_ to boot! Why, what won't do at all!

"Why, oh, why, Shadow? Why did you have to break our most sacred bond?" Sonic cried out loud, passers-by staring at him strangely. Seeing as how he's such an attention whore, that was probably his intention.

So, Sonic was running somewhere and probably went back to his apartment and did some stuff there.

* * *

Meanwhile, at Shadow's place.

Shadow was sitting on his bed, crying.

"Oh, crap, this is a most unfavourable situation!" Shadow cried, sorrowfully!

All of a sudden, his DOORBELL rang! Shadow smiled, hoping that the blue blur had come back to him! Alas, as he opened the door, very, very, very slowly, it was not Sonic.

"Hai, Shadow!"

It was Sapphire the Hedgehog! A 19 year old female hedgehog who had charming light blue fur, long crimson hair and gorgeous topaz jewels placed into her beautiful, sparkling eyes. Her body was carefully crafted by the gods above, her waist small, her bosom large, and her legs long and lovely. She was wearing a small, black tank top with a glittery "Twilight" logo on it, and a tight fishnet t-shirt under it. She had on a dark green ruffled skirt, a red belt with sparkling silver studs on it, long black stockings with red stripes and really hot and totally fashionable boots with belts on the sides. She had on maroon eye shadow, blood crimson lipstick and a black bow in her beautiful, sparkling hair with a rose on the left side. She was shining with intelligence, confidence, beauty and just about every other positive trait. She was surely a super-smart, super-funny and a super-nice person to hang out with and have her as a BFF. Perfect. No flaws whatsoever. Whenever she walked down the street, people stared at her. Boys and girls would line up to ask her out. She was the most popular girl in the universe and everyone else is a loser compared to her. Her walk was that of an experienced super model, brimming with confidence and free of cares. The world was her catwalk and the population are the audience. She also has tons of contracts with various fashion magazines and TV shows. She was also a world -nay, universally- famous idol singer, covering lots of irritating emo songs and the like. Yep! Sapphire Sabrina Elizabeth Margaret A. S. The Hedgehog was surely the best and certainly the most perfect person alive!

**tl;dr- It was Sapphire. She was totally hot.**

**

* * *

  
**

...

Oh, right, the plot!

"Oh, it's you, Saph." Shadow said, sadly. Yeah, he called her "Saph". All her super-cool friends call her "Saph" cuz dat shit is totally edgy innit!

"Shadow-kun? What's wrong?" Sapphire said, extremely concerned. Did I mention she uses Japanese words? Yeah, she uses Japanese words. Because that's, like, totally cool. *cough* Moving on...

"Oh, it's nothing. I'm just a little sad!" Shadow said, sad. Sapphire looked at him with her beautiful, gleaming golden eyes, concerned. She flipped her gorgeous maroon hair which shined wonderfully in the moonlight, her graceful curves looking even more beautiful than usual in the pale moonlight.

"Why, that won't do at all, Shadow! We must go to a club somewhere and dance the night away!" Sapphire said, her musical, angelic voice overflowing with confidence and grace.

"Oh, fine then. Let me get ready." Shadow said. He walked back into his apartment and took out some fabulous emo looking clothes. Such as a blood red shirt with a black tie and matching pants. Sapphire did not need to change, for she was always dressed for an emo rave.

"Alright, Shadow-kun, let's go!" Sapphire said, cheerfully. She walked outside with Shadow, her smiling face looking ever-so stunning in the moonlight. She giggled softly, her voice pure and angelic. Shadow was also smiling, but he was secretly worried about Sonic.

* * *

And coincidentally, Sonic also decided to go on an emo rave! And, as if by magic, it was the exact same rave as Shadow and Mary Su-errr...Sapphire were going to! Now, WHO could see THAT coming?! Eh? Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh?!

Sonic was walking in the dead of night, the moonlight shining on his cobalt fur. He was wearing a white shirt with a black vest and black pants. And also a black tie. Because ties are cool. So, anyway, he was walking to the sexy emo rave when all of a sudden he saw two extremely attractive figures walking in front of him, one more so that the other.

"Holy ass! That's Shadow and some incredibly sexalicious girl! They must be going to the rave!" Sonic said. How he figured that out I have no idea. He's probably psychic or something.

Sonic kept his distance behind them the whole way until they reached That Rave Club™ and went in. Lots of people were dancing and jumping up and down and doing lots of drugs and drinking and sexing and other horrible things, all to the beat of RED ZONE from that one DDR game. Sonic, Shadow and Sapphire didn't waste any time and promptly started jumping to the beat. It was very, very catchy.

* * *

Shadow then noticed Sonic jumping half-heartedly to the music right next to him. Sonic then looked at Shadow and started crying.

"You buttmunch! You told me I was the only one!" Sonic screamed and ran out, crying. Shadow tried to say something but Sapphire grabbed his arm with her delicate, small hand. Cue more jumping.

Sapphire's beautiful crimson hair was sparkling in the strobe lights, creating a luminous aura around her voluptuous figure. The people had all stopped dancing and were instead admiring her lovely figure and stylish dance moves. Business as usual, then.

Shadow took this opportunity to sneak out and follow Sonic. Sapphire was a tad too self-absorbed at the moment to notice, but who can blame her?

While Sapphire was bustin' out dem moves, Shadow started running. He ran very fast. So fast that he eventually caught up to Sonic, who was sitting on a bench in some random park. His sad emerald eyes were gleaming in the radiant moonlight. Shadow stood in front of him, fatigued, for a moment before he started talking.

"Sonic... the chapter ends here." Shadow said. Wait, what?

* * *

ZOMGLOL Cliffhanger?! Well, this chapter was somewhat longer than usual, though that really isn't saying much. Will Shadow manage to convince Sonic to snap out of his depression?! Probably not, since we're still in the flashback. But, anyway! Tune in next time for _**CHAPTER 5: THERE'S SOMETHING ANGSTY ABOUT SONIC!**_


	5. There's Something Angsty About Sonic!

I always start what I finish. Well, almost always. But this, Angsty Love, is one fanfic I definitely will write until the very end! Of the story, that is. I got myself a trope checklist and I won't stop until all of them are checked! Without further ado, here's your fanfic!

* * *

_A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away..._

**ANGSTY LOVE**

**Chapter 5: There's Something Angsty About Sonic**

_The story thus far:_

_We've been jumping back and forth between the past and the present so much that I have absolutely no idea what time period we're in right now! Oh, we're in the flashback within a flashback, right? Or was that a few chapters ago. I dunno. Go overthrow the Trade Federation, Sonic and Shadow! Our galaxy is depending on you..._

* * *

"Sonic... wait... I can explain this!" Shadow cried out, still very fatigued, his blood red eyes reflecting Sonic's burnt-out figure. The moonlight shone on the two of them, creating a tension-filled, not to mention _unbelievably_ awkward atmosphere.

"What is there to explain? You were cheating on me..." Sonic started, his voice sorrowful.

"...WITH A GIRL!" Sonic screamed, crows flying out of the tree behind him for dramatic effect.

"But Sonic! Sapphire is just a friend of mine. A friend... that I have... sex with..." Shadow said, uncomfortable.

Sonic stood up, his expression full of disappointment and depression. He slowly walked towards Shadow and stopped right in front of him.

...

Oh, come on, Sonic! Don't drag this on any longer! *cough* What I meant...

Sonic punched Shadow in the face, the onyx and crimson mammal flying backwards.

"You... big idiot..." Sonic said, blushing and crying. When did this turn into Shakugan no Zero Toradora?

"...Sonic." Shadow said softly, still lying on the ground. He obviously didn't mind Sonic punching him much. Maybe he's a closet masochist.

Shadow slowly stood up, walking towards Sonic. He reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring. He keeps that in his pocket for occasions like this. Just to be on the safe side!

"Sonic... will you marry me?" Shadow said, blushing like an anime schoolgirl in a badly animated hentai series.

"...Shadow..."

"SHADOW-KUUUUUUUUUN!" A voice. An angelic, beautiful voice full of hopes, dreams and unparalleled sexiness! Such grace! Such wisdom! Such charming charm! Sapphire Sabrina Elizabeth Margaret A. S. The Hedgehog stood there, her graceful figure glowing in the luminescent moonlight. Her glistening golden eyes sparkled in the night glow, her beautiful hair just the right shade of scarlet. She looked over to the two hedgehogs, not noticing the moving moment between the ambiguously gay duo. She smiled warmly and walked up to them.

"There you are, Shaddy-kun!" Sapphire said, cheerfully. Yeah, she also calls him 'Shaddy-kun'. The two had a lot of strange nicknames for each other.

She grabbed his hand with her own, smaller hand. Ooh, did she just get her nails done? They look _fabulous._ Sapphire surely has a great sense of style. She flipped her hair. Because she's hot stuff! HOT. STUFF. They ran off, Sapphire giggling in her lovely voice. It didn't occur to Shadow to let go of her hand.

Her hands. Those delicate well manicured hands.

...

* * *

RIGHT! So, Sonic was feeling all depressed and dejected and desperate so he decided to head back home to cut himself. So... yeah.

The very next day, Sonic woke up, feeling very depressed. After eating an 11 course breakfast he decided to go out for a walk. And so he did!

But as he was walking to some place that doesn't matter, he heard... a **car **_**crash!!!**_ I think it went like this: "**NNNNNNNNRRRRRRRR BEEEEEEP BEEEEEEEEP WROOOOOOOO SKREEEEEEEEE SMASH KER BAM OW OH GOD MY EYE OW CRASH SMASH** bing... ding..."

...don't look at me like that!

"Ye gods! It looks like a 1996 model sky blue coloured Nissan Mistral just crashed! The headlights of the car were tinted a warm yellow and the tires were Goodyear branded! I must go check this out!" Sonic said to himself, very excited. Ah, the simple joys of life!

He cheerfully skipped to the wreck. The area was very crowded and 700 ambulances were on their way. Sonic still managed to get to the wreck with little to no effort. Because he is Sonic! He can do anything! He isn't voiced by Dan Green, but that's just a minor detail.

Sonic looked at the car wreck, smiling with glee. But as his eyes traveled to the unfortunate driver his expression shifted. His face (well, the muzzle part of his face) grew pale, his pupils went all small and shaky for dramatic effect. He dropped down to his knees and cursed out to the gods above!

It was Shadow! Shadow was driving a 1996 model sky blue coloured Nissan Mistral! Get with the times, Shadow! Its 2009, for _crying out loud_! I mean... he got into a tragic accident! Oh, Shadow! Whatever will we do? I guess I could take several thousand words to describe his body, but I don't want to shift the rating over to 'M' just yet. Maybe wait until about chapter 20 or something. This is, after all, going to span well over 40 chapters. But whatever, moving on.

* * *

"Sh-Sh-Shadow?! WHY?! Why could you not have gotten into this life-or-death situation in a slightly nicer car?!" Sonic screamed, his eyes full of sadness, fear and tears.

He looked over to the other front seat. It was Sapphire! That consistently beautiful and perfect skank! The ambulances were arriving. Like, just now.

The paramedics skipped over to the wreck, pulled Shadow and dear, sweet Sapphire out of the car and into the ambulance. They threw 'em in, applied a few plasters and it's off to the hospital for Shaddy and Saph! What hilarious hijinks will await them there?

Well... let's go find out, I guess!

So, Sonic ran after the ambulance (because he's really fast, see) and got to the hospital! We now cut to 70 tension-filled moments later.

So, after miraculously stabilizing after a ridiculously short time, Shadow and Sapphire were resting in their separate beds. Sonic was at Shadow's bedside, crying, holding a limited edition Jack Frost plushie. Y'know, Jack Frost from Shin Megami Tensei! I love Jack Frost. So adorable and witty, that's how he is. Yup!

* * *

Shadow slowly opened his eyes and looked over at the blue blur.

"S...Sonic?" Shadow breathed quietly.

"SHADOW OH MY GOD I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU!!!" Sonic yelled at the top of his lungs, hugging Shadow roughly. Shadow hugged him back and smiled. Getting into a severe car crash was apparently just a minor annoyance to him. Being the ultimate lifeform and all, you know. Sapphire was still resting peacefully, the afternoon sun shining brightly on her beautiful face. An unscarred face, might I add. She has... um... a protective shield! Yes, that'll do.

"Shadow, I want you so badly! Let's have sex right here even though it's horrifically inappropriate!" Sonic squealed with delight!

"Yay! Let's do it!" Shadow said. What a waste of a perfectly good, if bland, plot point.

* * *

We're gonna stop here before I go insane. No cliffhanger now, though the next chapter most likely will end on one of those. Well then, I bid you farewell.


	6. Angst is Angst is Angst is Reduntant

Because we can't ever have nice things!

* * *

**Angsty Love! Chapter 6: Angst is Angst is Angst is Redundant**

I'd like to take a few lines to thank all those who have reviewed this story for doing so. You are winrar.

* * *

So, after Shadow and Sonic had lots of sexy sex in the hospital after a deliciously pointless traffic accident (the details of which will remain a plothole for all eternity) they decided to get back together! Sapphire, ever so lovely, was still resting in the hospital. Because... um... her protective shield... needed to recharge! Yes, that'll do.

And thusly, Sonic and Shadow merrily skipped back to Shadow's sexalicious penthouse. He was discharged early. The staff didn't really care.

"Hey, Shadow!" Sonic said, excited.

"What, Sonic? What is it that you have to say?" Shadow replied, also very excited.

"Let's... *gigglesnort* have more sex. Like, right now!" Sonic said, bursting into fits of laughter!

"k" Shadow replied. And then they had all the sex. But they never went inside Shadow's apartment! So before they could... finish up, a policeman approached the two buddies!

"Get up, you disgusting yiffers!" The policeman, whose name is Paul, said, very much angry.

And then they did.

* * *

"What is it, officer?" Sonic said, worried.

"Who two were having sloppy buttsex in public! I'm taking both of you to the station for questioning!" Paul yelled.

"Questioning? W...what is there to question?" Shadow started.

"SHUT UP YOU'RE IN NO POSITION TO BE ASKING THINGS!" Paul screamed at the top of his lungs. He reached into hammerspace for handcuffs and 'cuffed Shadow's arm to his own. He didn't seem to notice Sonic, who tagged along for the ride. Because he is extremely thick-headed.

"Here's the police station!" Paul yelled at Sonic and Shadow, pointing to a cardboard box with 'Poleese Stayshun' written on it.

"B...but that's just a cardboard box..." Sonic started.

"SCREW YOU YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MOM!!!" Paul screamed, yet again at the top of his lungs. Paul reached out for his pistol and samurai sword and pointed them at the two hedgehogs. He laughed maniacally.

"W-what the hell?" Sonic and Shadow said in unison, tightly holding each other.

"For all my life I've waited to do this. To end the lives of Sonic and Shadow myself" Paul hissed in glee.

"Why? What did we ever do to you?" Shadow asked, his eyes shaking with uncontrollable fear!

"You? You don't remember? You devious dastardly devils!" Paul cried out loud. He then sighed and looked up to the sky. I smell a monologue coming up...

"It happened... 27 years ago..." Paul began. Let us shift to a flashback.

* * *

_~Flashback~_

I was only a wee little tot, running happily along a long street. I was wearing a red t-shirt, white shorts and holding a balloon. Because my attire is a huge matter of public safety. How happy!

I stopped in front of my own house, smiling mischievously for some reason.

"Mom! Dad! I am going to come in! I surely hope there isn't a dramatic plot point waiting to smack me in the face inside!" I said, very happily. But what I saw next was not very happy!

I, as in Little Paul, happily skipped into my parent's bedroom for no real reason and opened the door roughly. My super cute smile disappeared when I saw...

...my dear, old father in the bed with an anthropomorphic cartoon hedgehog! Said hedgehog was... green! He was green. And had... yellow eyes! And he was doing my very own father like an animal! This traumatized my young soul so much that I had no choice but to kill the two of them and burn the house down! Because that's the solution to all of life's problems! Then I went outside, killed a policeman and stole his uniform. It paints me to say this, but I'm not a real policeman. I have been masquerading as a cop for 27 years!

My mother then came home to a burnt-down house and looked into the bedroom for no reason. She found the charred remains of her husband there... but no hedgehog!

~_End of Evangelion. I mean, End of Flashback_~

* * *

"And that's that. You raped my father!" Paul screamed and pointed the gun at the two hedgehogs.

"But... there are two of us here. Neither of us is yellow. Neither of us were around 27 years ago!" Sonic stuttered.

"YOU LIE! YOU DIE AND GO TO HELL!" Paul screamed and shot his gun into the air until he ran out of bullets. He then noticed that he had no more ammo and ran away as a result.

...what was the point of all that? Oh, build-up for a new unoriginal character! The rapist hedgehog, see. Ah, right.

So, Sonic and Shadow marked this strange encounter as a Big Lipped Alligator Moment, forgot about it and went back to Shadow's apartment. Where they had sex, of course.

Whatever, back to the plot. Or what's left of it.

* * *

The two were sitting at Shadow's table, eating burned eggs with raw bacon. Because Knuckles came over and dared them to do it. Aw, Knuckles. You're such a kidder!

"Hey, let's all three of us go out shopping!" Knuckles suggested. Sonic and Shadow, having had sex three times today, counting the interrupted time, decided to accept his offer. They went to various stores and bought various things.

"Hey, a limited edition Jack Frost figure!" Sonic said, excited, as he saw a limited edition Jack Frost figure in a shop that sells limited edition Jack Frost figures. Redundancy is redundancy is redundancy is awesome!

"What's so limited edition about it? It looks just like the other 30 you already have." Shadow asked, not quite understanding his blue loverboy's enthusiasm.

"Well, this says 'LIMITED EDITION' on the box in huge gold letters! Did any of the other ones say that?" Sonic groaned, quite irritated at the black and crimson hedgehog's ignorance. "Sometimes I think you don't really understand me!" He added.

"Yeah?! Well, I don't think you understand ME! I've been taking turns screwing you and making beautiful Mary Sue love to Sapphire! I obviously have some problems and you haven't been supportive at all!" Shadow yelled back.

"Oh, screw you, Shadow! I hate you!" Sonic screamed, making a huge scene in the store. The store manager glared at Sonic menacingly, but his expression softened up when Sonic decided to buy the limited edition Jack Frost figure.

Sonic stormed out, gently caressing the shiny, shiny packaging. Shadow fell to his knees. Why? Why did they have to have such a stupid argument about trivial matters? Why could they never sort things out? And where the hell did Knuckles go? He was just there a second ago! Feeling dejected, Shadow bought a whole bunch of crap. Figures, artbooks, what have you. When he went outside he felt relieved. He was without Sonic and was now completely broke.

* * *

He was walking down the street back to his penthouse while looking at a Shin Megami Tensei artbooks.

"I have absolutely no idea what I'm looking at, but I like it." He said to himself. The Megami Tensei series _does_ have some weird artwork.

But then! Suddenly! He bumped into someone and fell down. Shadow looked up and saw an emerald colored hedgehog with bright topaz eyes. His face looked menacing and yet gentle. He was wearing a black leather trenchcoat with a gray shirt underneath and black tie. He had on black trousers with chains around his legs and a silver studded leather belt. He was wearing black boots with red lines on the sides. He had black sunglasses on that further deepened the mystery behind this enigmatic, yet ridiculously hot hedgehog. But most interestingly, he had a small but noticeable scar on his lip. His quills were long and sharp, glowing in the afternoon sun. He slowly blinked his eyes at Shadow and reached his ungloved hand to him.

**tl;dr- It was a totally hot, green hedgehog. He reached his hand to Shadow.**

"You okay?" The handsome and nice stranger asked Shadow.

"...huh? Oh, I'm just fine." Shadow said, the mysterious and enigmatic figure pulling him up. The secretive stranger had on a slight smile. He flipped his quills and put his hands into the coat's pockets.

"I'm glad. Sorry for bumping into you like that. It's just that I'm incredibly narcissistic and was thinking about how to pleasure myself when I get home. Now, if you'll excuse me..." The stranger said in his mysterious, yet calming voice.

"Wait! Wait!" Shadow said, making the charmingly enigmatic hedgehog stop in his tracks.

"Hm? What is it?" The stranger said, turning his head to Shadow. His glistening eyes were so full of mystery.

"Your name. Could you tell me your name?" Shadow asked.

The mysterious stranger turned around.

"It's Emerald." He said with a grin, then turned around and walked away.

Wait, Emerald? **Emerald?!** THAT'S the best I could come up with? Hang on... he's somehow related to Sapphire! Yes, that sounds like a good enough plot twist! Let's just go with that.

* * *

We cut back to Sonic as he reached Tails' house and opened the door without ringing the bell or knocking. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a sandwich from the fridge. All without asking. What a guy!

"Oh, Sonic. It's been a while since you broke in and stole my food. What's up?" Tails said, cheerfully. He was somewhat dirty, perhaps after working on one of his little inventions.

"Oh, Tails. Yeah, me and Shadow just got together." Sonic said.

"That's great!"

"And then we broke up again."

"Oh, Sonic. This must be terrible for you!"

"And then we got back together!"

"...wait, what?"

"And then we broke up again."

"Okay, what the hell is..."

"And then we got together again! Yay!"

"S-Sonic!" Tails started, again interrupted by the blue blur.

"Of course, we broke up again. Did I get all the times or did I miss some of them?" Sonic ended. I think you did, though you might have missed some.

Tails wiped off... nothing, really with his handkerchief. He sighed and walked up to Sonic.

"Sonic, I feel really sorry for you. But..." Tails started.

"...but? 'But' what?" Sonic asked.

"What the hell is wrong with you?! You always have to make up some stupid argument to break yourself and Shadow up! I think you should see a therapist about your self-sabotage issues." Tails said, a hint of anger in his voice. He had put on glasses just before, for unknown reasons.

"I don't have self-sabotage issues! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go burn down my apartment!" Sonic said and stormed out. Tails chuckled and turned his TV on. "What a guy." He said to himself.

A news piece about an apartment building in flames came on.

* * *

With his apartment building now being burned down, Sonic found himself a homeless hedgehog. He decided to live with Tails, but he threw him out after a month of stealing food and general angsting.

Sonic, with no place to go, wandered the streets of Inaba (where the story takes place, in case you forgot) with no place to go. With no place to go, Sonic had no place to go. So he decided to live in a garbage bag to have some place to go.

And now we know why he was living in a garbage bag at the beginning of Chapter 4! Didn't I resolve that incredibly smoothly?

Sonic, his eyes devoid of life, looked at the street, where he saw a beautiful figure. The figure stopped in his tracks and walked up to Sonic. His sparkling hazel eyes looked down upon the blue hedgehog. It was Emerald! Oh, Emerald. How you brighten my day so. He crouched down and hugged Sonic. Sonic didn't see this as sexual assault, since Emerald was too damn hot for him to care.

"No worries. You won't have to sell yourself for money anymore." Emerald said in his calming voice.

"But... I wasn't selling myself." Sonic said, weakly.

"You weren't?"

"No."

"Oh... well..." Emerald blushed, looking awkward. He took off his sunglasses, fully revealing his stunning eyes. "Come with me! I'll let you stay over at my place!"

Sonic was of course not the least bit suspicious because look how pretty! Very pretty, see. Extremely pretty, even! Sonic grabbed Emerald's hand and the two of them walked over to Emerald's place. Which was a sexy penthouse, natch. Sonic was looking faint so Emerald decided to carry him up to his bedroom. He placed him on his bed where the blue hedgehog quickly fell asleep.

* * *

The next day, Sonic woke up screaming, not having a clue where he was.

"HUH?! Where am I?! How did I get here?! Why is my ass so sore?!"

* * *

I did promise a cliffhanger, right? Well, here is one. Enjoy.


End file.
